We Could Still Drown
by InsideTheFangirlsHead
Summary: This was not sexual I tried to say again. But I wanted it to be. I wanted him to wrap his arms around me and kiss me. With his size advantage I knew he could've literally swept me off my feet. And in that moment that was all I wanted. Set during TR after the first Change. Alternate way Derek and Chloe admit their feelings. Strong T rating.


I don't own any of the characters. Also everything in bold is directly from The Reckoning.

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 **He rolled his shoulders in a half shrug, then looked away again. I was right. He just didn't like hearing the thought voiced; it sounded too close to self-pity.**

 **"No one is better off if you leave," I said.**

 **"Yeah." He mumbled the word, unconvinced**

 **"Simon needs you"**

 **He nodded and stared into the forest.**

 ** _I need you._**

I almost said it, but as Derek stared away into the forrest, I saw his face pale and suddenly his knees gave out from beneath him.

"Derek!" I gasped, dropping down beside him. He'd landed face down on the forrest floor, but he was conscious. I heard him trying to say he was okay, but I still helped him up into a sitting position. His face was scratched and there was debris in his now matted and dirty black hair.

"Its ok," He said again, but he still hadn't made any effort to stand. "Just hit me…" suddenly his face changed, I saw him start to heave as he twisted away from me. I scuttled back as he spewed stomach bile into the undergrowth.

The adrenaline must have worn off and he was probably exhausted. The partial changes took everything out of him, tonight had been a full change, a battle with a werewolf and a fight to death without a break. Physically, he was a wreck, and mentally? Well, I had no concrete idea about that but I had to assume that after what had just happened it wasn't tip top. He turned back to face me, I scooted forward, putting my my hands on Derek's cheeks and looking him in the eyes.

"You're okay, you're just tired. We'll get back to the house, clean you up and get you to bed." I used my thumbs to wipe the sweat and dirt from his cheek. His emerald eyes flashed and he protested.

"We need Andrew, need to go" He pushed himself up off the ground and I scrambled to my feet as well because he didn't look steady at all. He looked drunk. Swaying on his feet with glazed eyes, yet somehow he still managed a scowl. Challenging me to protest to what he wanted.

I did.

"No. We can't go anywhere. Not with you like this"

He opened his mouth to object, but I kept going. "If you haven't noticed, you're kind of a cornerstone to our escaping process. If we leave and you're not physically or mentally prepared we're not going to make it very far. You know that. You make us leave now and you put us all at risk."

I knew I had him there. He knew I was right, he knew he'd only put us at risk if he made us leave now. And there was no way Derek would ever consciously put any of us at risk. He begrudgingly nodded and took a step in the direction of the house, only he faltered and his legs almost gave way again.

The one advantage to my size was that I could be quick if I wanted to. I dashed under Derek's broad, scratched up arm and let him shift as much weight as he dared onto me.

"Chloe.." he let out a small laugh, "I don't think you can do much in the way of physical support."

"Anybody else out here?" I huffed. He glanced down at me, brows knitted together, confused. "No. Theres not. So just stop being a hero and let me help you." I felt a grumble of discontent in his chest, but no verbal protest.

We made our way slowly back to the house, Derek's labored breathing hot on the top of my head. I looked up at him as the house came into view, his face was still pale, with dried blood running down from his temple and from his nose. All the cuts he'd sustained tonight may have healed. But they'd all bled, and he was covered in dried blood. It made his shirt stick to him in places. He had his right arm slung over my shoulder and I saw that there was dirt and blood caked around his nails. He would need to clean up before sleeping. But he wouldn't have the strength to do it himself.

That thought didn't occupy my mind anymore as we reached the back porch of the house. I slid the door open, careful not to let the door squeak and wake anybody up.

"Lock the door," Derek reminded me once we were inside. He moved his arm off my shoulder and leaned onto the counter. I locked the door, turning it as much as I could. It wasn't like a locked door would keep out the kinds of enemies we were hiding from, but it made me feel safer.

"You need to get cleaned up." I said, "you can't sleep like that."

"Need to sleep," He mumbled, his eyes half closing even as he was standing up. I took a deep breath, he wasn't going to like what I was going to say next. "If Simon wakes up and see's you caked in blood and dirt he's going to shit himself. So you're going upstairs, and so am I. And I'm going to help clean you up because another thing that would make Simon shit himself is if you accidentally drown yourself in a bathtub due to sheer exhaustion."

Many emotions flashed across Derek's face. The only reason I could tell was because of the light slipping thorough the cracks in the curtains that highlighted the planes of his face. I saw frustration, embarrassment, anger, something I couldn't identify and finally acceptance.

He nodded, and in addition to his acceptance he surprisingly requested a little extra help getting upstairs.

Luckily the bathroom was close to the edge of the stairs. Derek has insisted on walking himself and I let him. I didn't want to make a fuss with Simon and Tori sleeping so close. We got to the bathroom and shut the door quietly. Derek let out a quiet groan as he sat down on the toilet seat across from the bathtub. I walked past him, next to the toilet was a sink with a medicine cabinet and mirror above.

"Chloe," He whispered as I opened the cabinet. "You don't have to do this." I grabbed the flashlight from the cabinet and turned it on. The light cast a glow across the room. With the light I could now see the remnants of Derek's injuries. He was covered in bruises. Huge bruises, although I don't know what else you'd expect after having fought off a werewolf.

"If you can take your shirt off by yourself without pain then I'll go."

He rolled his eyes, grabbing the hem of his shirt and preparing to pull it up. He could hardly get it past his navel before I saw a grimace twist his features. I took the hem in my own hands and lifted his shirt up, trying to ignore the sound of the cotton peeling away from his scabs. As I took the shirt from over his head he rolled his shoulders back, trying to stretch. He grimaced again.

I looked down at his chest, under the congealed blood I saw the now scarred pink claw marks.

He followed my gaze. When he saw what I was looking at he used two fingers to lift my head away from his injuries. I looked into his eyes and saw worry. Internally I laughed, he was the one who almost got mauled and he was worried about me being traumatized. Typical Derek.

"Thank you," I whispered, knowing that I wouldn't have made it out if he hadn't been there. I was expecting a mocking laugh, saying that it was stupid for me to be thanking him. What I got instead was:

"Anytime," he said, one side of his mouth turning up into a half smile. I smiled back at him for a moment and let go of my face, looking down. "I..umm" he muttered. "I think I can take my pants off myself."

I'm sure Derek saw my face flush. On the way up I had thought about what this endeavor would entail but I didn't really _think_ about it. Just don't look, I told myself. This situation isn't sexual, I thought. Its like medicine, doctors see people naked all the time and it doesn't mean anything. I rationed to myself. I nodded to him and turned away from him.

"Just take that stuff off and get in the tub. I won't stare." I whispered to the wall. I heard him get up behind me. I heard his deep, pained breaths as he was, I'm sure, still sore. I heard the fabric of Derek's pants move against his legs and gather on the floor. That noise seemed like the loudest noise in the house, it occupied my entire brain.

 _This isn't sexual_. I reminded myself.

I was still trying to tell myself that a few minutes later, sitting on the edge of the tub as I turned on the water. Derek had sat down-back to me- in the tub with his knees curled to his chest and head resting on his knees. His breathing was still deep, but not in pain, he was relaxing. I don't know if his position was for comfort or to preserve modesty. Whatever it was I was just glad he was relaxing.

Luckily this shower had one of those shower heads that came off the wall so you could move it around. I first ran the warm water all over him, the water ran brown and grey down the drain. I stood up and placed the shower head back, pointing down at Derek.

Sitting back down I grabbed the shampoo from the side and squeezed some into my hands. I rubbed my hands together, frothing it up. I didn't care about my sleeves getting wet as I started rubbing the shampoo into his hair like the hairdresser does at the salon. I heard him sigh, but it came out almost like a purr.

"That feels nice," I heard him say. I smiled as I continued. I started rinsing his hair out once the suds stopped coming off brown. Grabbing a washcloth I slid down the edge of the tub so I was now in front of him.

"Can you lift you head up?" I asked softly. As he did his wet hair flopped in front of his face. I pushed it back. Some of his color had returned. He had dark circles under his eyes. I couldn't tell if they were from the fight or his pure exhaustion. Maybe both. I looked into his eyes as I washed the grime from his face, trying to get a read on what he was feeling. He looked back at me and gave me a small smile that sent shivers down to my toes.

 _This is not sexual_ , I said to myself.

I held the washcloth directly under the stream of the shower head, "Close your eyes" I said. He did. I twisted the cloth over his face, letting the clean water rinse off anything I had missed. I saw the muscles in his face relax, and he started to sway backwards. I placed my hand on his back as he caught himself, eyes shooting open.

"I think you made a good call," He whispered. My hand was still on his back, right between his shoulder blades. I felt the muscles move as he turned his head to face me. I was taken aback for a second, Derek never agreed with me.

"I dozed off for a second there. Good thing I wasn't alone or I may have drowned myself."

I let out a breathy laugh, "Anytime." I wasn't sure if he meant it or is he was just trying to diffuse some tension. If it was the latter then it worked. I tried to finish up quickly. I got some soap in my hands and started to clean Derek's back. This was where a lot of the grime was. I could see lots of scratches on his back, probably because this was the easiest part of him to attack during a fight.

I tried to be gentle, but gentle as I was Derek still hissed when I hit particularly sore spots.

"Sorry, sorry sorry," I muttered so quietly I doubt he would have heard me without superhuman hearing. In response he lifted a hand up to touch the hand that I currently had rested on his shoulder. I expected him to lift it back down immediately. Just a quick physical acknowledgement that he was fine. But he kept it there. My sleeves were getting soaked, the position I was in-one hand on his right shoulder and another on the small of his back-made it hard to avoid the spray. But I didn't move. He kept his back to me, not even turning his head. I felt the muscles in back moved slowly as he breathed in and out. Slowly he interlaced his fingers with mine and rubbed sow circles with his thumb on the back of my hand.

 _Nothing sexual_

His hands were rough, like pads. But I still didn't pull away immediately.

Eventually I did and handed him the cloth.

"I'll let you do the rest," For some reason I avoided his gaze.

"Are you leaving?" He asked. I couldn't tell if he was asking because he wanted to be alone or because he wanted me to say.

"Not yet," I said quietly. "You could still drown yourself."

He gave the smile that sent shivers to my toes.

It was now 2:30.

Derek had been able to get up and turn the bath off by himself. The warm water had helped relaxed his muscles so he was much more mobile. I had turned around until he'd put a towel around his waist. Before the door opened I turned off the flashlight. Not surprisingly I saw shit all except Derek's glittering green eyes that had stared back at me. He looked like he'd wanted to say something. The room wasn't very large, I had been close enough to notice Derek as opened his mouth slightly as if to say something. But he closed it and opened the door to the hallway. There had been moonlight in the hallway. I walked behind him to his room, watching the drips coming off the back of his shaggy hair. The drops raced down the expanse of his wide, muscled back. I had been hypnotized unit I'd almost run into him once he'd stopped outside his door. He turned to face me. As he looked down at me I tucked a piece of my dyed black hair behind my ears. My wet sleeve leaving cold streak across my check. I shivered slightly. Derek lifted his hand up and brushed the water away. He was still burning up from the change so I no longer felt cold.

Again he didn't drop his hand immediately. Instead he cupped my face in his large palm.

 _Not sexual_ I tried to say again

But I wanted it to be. I wanted him to wrap his arms around me and kiss me. With his size advantage I knew he could've literally swept me off my feet. And in that moment that was all I wanted.

But he hadn't done anything. All he did was drop his hand and mutter a goodnight. Now I lay in my empty room without Tori. Staring up at the ceiling wondering if I'd made a fool of myself. Part of me thought I had. Part of me knew I had misunderstood all of Derek's actions towards me. Part of me knew that Derek was aware enough to know what his actions meant and wasn't the kind of guy to knowingly lead a girl on.

I was being so selfish. After the kind of night Derek had had, I was in no position to expect him to do anything other than collapse into his was also the issue of Simon.

I don't think I broke his heart this afternoon. But he was definitely hurt. Maybe Derek not initiating anything was a blessing. Maybe that is what he was thinking.

What if. Maybe this. Maybe if. It could be. It couldn't be.

I turned over to face the wall. The what ifs dancing around in my brain while the scene outside Derek's room played like an old fashioned film role my head.

That was dashed from my mind as I registered a tapping noise. I sat up, gripping the sheets to my chest since I was only wearing a sports bra.

I heard the taping again. I felt my blood run cold. Royce.

I couldn't go get Derek now, not after everything. But it would be worse if I didn't. I could imagine the chewing out I would get if he found out i tried to handle this on my own. I was about to get out of the bed to get him when the door cracked open. I was expecting to see Royce's translucent face.

But it was Derek.

He must have been able to see the shock in my face because he quickly apologized, but he didn't leave. He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him.

I had the curtains closed so there was not much moonlight getting in. But I was able to tell he was tense.

"Whats the matter?" I whispered.

For a moment he looked like he was going to turn back out, but looking down at the floor he said

"Can I stay here?" I felt my eyes widen. Derek saw it too as he lifted his head."I just..uhh.. feel really on edge." I was still processing what was going on. Before I could answer Derek kept going. "And uh.. I think I would feel better here. You.." he coughed, clearing his throat. "Make me feel better."

For somebody 6 foot 3, superhumanly strong and oh yeah, a werewolf. Derek looked a lot smaller than I ever saw him.

"Yes," I whispered. Derek wanted to be here. With me. Happiness swelled in my chest. Suddenly I did't feel like the useless necromancer who's out of control powers only caused trouble for the people I was trying to help. I saw a wave of relief crash over him as he padded over. I scooted closer to the wall. My bed wasn't exactly build for two. Especially when once was as big as Derek.

Derek was only wearing boxers.

And I was only wearing a sports bra and pajama bottoms.

"Do you want me to grab a shirt for you?" Derek asked, noticing when I glanced down at myself.

I had just spent almost an hour with a naked Derek. Not that I really saw anything I hadn't seen before. I was now comfortable seeing him in a state of undress. However, I had always been self conscious of myself. My wispy hair, curve less figure and childlike face never exactly instilled me with a great deal of confidence. Well, I'd been self conscious about that until now. I did't feel any of the crippling embarrassment about my attire that I would've expected in this situation. Looking back up at Derek I shook my head no and he sat down and swung his legs up so he could lie down.

He lay beside me, flat on his back with his crossed arms on his stomach.

"That doesn't look comfortable,"I said with a slight laugh. He turned just his face to look at me.

"Can I-" He asked but then he cut himself off and decided to just show what he was going to ask. Quickly, I found myself tucked into the space between Derek's warm torso and his arm that had wrapped protectively around my shoulders.

I had never felt so small.

I had never felt so safe.

"This is fine," I said, tilting my head to look at him. "Feeling better?" I asked. I felt him nod. I closed my eyes. I don't know if I was cold or if Derek was still exceptionally warm. But every bit of skin that touched him- which was most of my upper body- tingled with heat and excitement. Despite this being the closest I had ever gotten to a guy, I felt surprisingly at ease. With my head pressed against his chest I could hear Derek's heart beating. I opened my eyes to ask him something but when I opened them I saw he was already gazing down at me and I forgot my question.

Slowly, slow enough that I could have stopped it, Derek brought my face up to meet his and kissed me gently. Just once, but it sent a shock through my whole body and I felt my body flutter with the electricity. My lips tingled. As he pulled away I brought my hands up and into his still wet hair.

The second time it was hard to tell who kissed who.

The kiss was gentle, but there was a certain urgency to it. Like making up for lost time.

With a little help from the arm he had under me, I rolled on top of him, my legs now straddling his hips. We broke apart for just a moment. In that brief pause Derek beamed up at me, but before I could say anything he pulled me back down and attacked my lips with his. I felt like I was drowning. But in the best way possible. I felt like I had left this world behind. All my senses, taste, touch, smell, sight, sound. All of them were overtaken by Derek. He was all I wanted.

Derek moved his hands from my face to my shoulders and then slowly down the bare skin of my back to rest at my hips. The rough calluses of his fingers causing me to shiver as they glided down my cool skin. In the back of my mind some part of me reminded me to be gentle as I rested my small hands on his collarbones.

Quickly, Derek flipped us over, keeping one arm wrapped around my waist and the other coming to rest above my head. I ran my hands down his torso, over the planes of his chest, all the way down to the V just above his boxers and back up. I felt the muscles tense and relax as we moved together.

"Chloe.." he groaned. I melted into him as he kissed me even more forcefully. He was so strong. He could break me so easily. Somehow Derek managed to move with me gently, but powerfully. A combination I didn't realized existed until now.

Suddenly he moved from my lips, kissing across my jaw. I giggled as I felt him kiss my ear. He laughed too, a deep rumble that I could feel deep in his chest. He started kissing my neck and I gasped. The feeling sent tingles down my spine and I moved my hands up over his chest to twine into his hair as he gave my neck a small nip. I felt myself buck my hips into him as he kissed and lavished the spot he just bit. I was sure to have a mark there the next day, but in the present movement I couldn't find it in me to care. Derek's weight on top of me was such an amazing sensation. It was hard for me to concentrate on anything as each shift of our bodies seemed to charge me with more and more excited energy.

I let out a moan as I felt him shift to push against the space between my legs as he moved both hands down to hold my waist.

Suddenly he froze.

I looked at Derek's face above me. He looked worried.

"I'm not hurt," I whispered.

"We should stop," He said. I was about to be hurt, suddenly he didn't want this anymore? But looking I saw his eyes, glittering green almost completely covered by black. And i could feel his chest heaving, breathing heavily. I also felt… it. Pressing on my leg. I knew he wasn't stopping because he wanted to. He was right, as I felt my heart rate slow I knew I didn't want to this for the first time when we had so much at stake, when we still weren't sure where we'd be this time next week. I wanted to do it not because I thought I was going to lose him, but because I knew we had so much ahead of us. Before Derek could panic that he had hurt my feelings I nodded and pulled him down to me for one more kiss.

"You're right. " I whispered against his lips. "This can wait until we're not in mortal danger."

Derek let out a relieved sigh as he rolled off of me. But he didn't let me go, and I didn't want him to. I curled up to him again, laying my head on his chest as he wrapped an arm around me. I felt rise and fall quickly as he tried to slow his breathing. "We can talk about it later," I whispered.

Derek kissed the top of my head and nodded.

Then it was quiet.

Soon, Derek was snoring. That, along with the strong beat of his heart, was the perfect metronome to lull me to sleep.

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This is my first fic I've written in about 4 years so I hope you guys liked it! I could definitely do a Derek POV if you guys wanted. Let me know!


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